I just saw Koobert on television. Perhaps you saw him too?
To say it all started a few days ago is a really gross oversimplification, but that’s actually a specialty of mine. Koobert was hanging out at a landfill in Oklahoma, keeping company with several old plastic bags of my discarded household goods, when several enormous dump trucks arrived. Before Koobert realized he was about to have another big adventure, he was scooped up and tossed onto the fragrant, rotting, rusting pile, and driven away in the caravan.
The trip was long and bumpy, but Koobert didn’t mind. It was nice to have a change of scenery after more than a year at the dump. As the miles disappeared in the east, Koobert consoled himself in his noisy rattletrap limousine pawing through ancient treasures uncovered by the loading process and the steady vibration. “Kootie would love to take a long trip in a big truck like this,” Koobert thought to himself on more than one occasion. The trucks sped through the night, and Oklahoma became Colorado without ceremony.
Just as suddenly as it had begun, the trip ended. The pile of refuse was upended onto a gigantic tarp in the middle of an enormous football field. Koobert rolled and bounced on the pile, coming to rest next to a rubber galosh that seemed to be occupied. There were more loads of garbage in every direction, and people swarming over them like flies.
“Check this one out!” called the wiry man standing in the galosh next to Koobert. He wore a matching galosh on his other foot, a shiny yellow slicker, safety goggles, and a serious expression. The man scribbled on a clipboard as a dozen teenagers wearing orange reflective volunteer vests clambered on the pile.
“This can go to the stage”, hollered one excited boy.
“The Senator will appreciate this for her speech,” burbled a happy young lady.
Koobert scrabbled up to the top of the pile for a better look, and sure enough, a platform was being erected in the middle of the field. An army of people swarmed over piles and piles everywhere, pulling out every kind of thing you can imagine and streaming it to the focus of the construction. Koobert was amazed to see how deftly the people molded and formed towering Romanesque pillars to give the stage a sophisticated stately air. In spite of the shocking aroma, Koobert decided he had to get a closer look – he was polite, though, and carefully avoided interfering with dozens of happy reporters interviewing each other and taking pictures of the emerging edifice.
The work seemed to go on for hours. Because it did. Hours.
Then it was night, and the work stopped. The finished stage gleamed under klieg lights that shown from everywhere. Koobert’s strategic vantage point on the stage gave him a perfect view of the workers clearing the field as thousands of others began to fill the stands. Lysol was liberally applied, and the party began. Oh, what a party it was.
The crowd hollered and cheered, and threw trash at each other and waved little sticks. There was a band or two, and a parade of people that came to the platform to speak, and yell, and cry. Koobert saw the speakers reading the same stuff he had ridden to the stadium with, but somehow now it didn’t exactly smell the same. The whole picture was just so impressive, and Koobert could not help himself. Congratulations were certainly in order for this fine party in the football stadium!
Koobert hopped up to the podium just as one speaker in galoshes and a slicker finished an eloquent comparison between someone else and a houseplant, or something like that.
“I’m just a little guy, but I’m so glad to be here tonight!” Koobert announced, and the crowd went wild. Some people broke into a chant about helping little guys, and taxing big guys. Others noticed that Koobert had one leg, and began to chant about helping the differently-abled. Is he an alien? Is he legal? Hooray for the brave alien! Koobert waited respectfully for the crowd to quiet, and the TV cameras to focus.
“Congratulations are in order for this terrific party!” Koobert hollered, and the crowd accepted with a roar. “I would never have guessed you could make this party, these speeches, this whole platform out of old recycled smelly garbage!”
Of course, that’s when the TV went off the air for a few minutes, then switched to Lassie reruns. I wonder how it all came out?
